selfcare

Notes on Anxiety and Decision Making “Pauses”

/ Mel / Leave a comment

I’ve mentioned before that my job can be a challenge. I have to be extremely accurate in my decision-making, hundreds of times a day. I cannot afford to be wrong.

I also DO NOT have any sort of God-complex whatsoever- the exact opposite, in fact. I have struggled with anxiety all of my life. People tell me that they never would have known, I guess I hide it well. If they could see all the worst-case scenarios and second guessing that go on in my head on a daily basis, they might wonder how I function at all.

Yet, I do. I suppose this level of awareness makes me very good at what I do, but it is also extraordinarily draining. There are many, many days when I ask my significant other to choose dinner because I just simply can’t make anymore decisions. He gives me a look, but because he is a saint, he agrees to decide on the eggplant parmesan for me and our evening rolls on.

I think people who have traditionally high-stress professions may be particularly prone to this type of temporary decision making inability. Although, I also believe that any job can be high stress given its unique set of judgement making, multitasking, and time management requirements (sounds like parenting, doesn’t it? Props to all ‘rents). I concede that I am also a sensitive soul and therefore have to conclude that at least part of the situation may be due to the temperament of the individual.

I know there must be other folks with high-stress occupations (or parents) that have  experienced decision “pauses” and must understand…Or maybe I’m just unique. Doubtful.

Here are some things that I decide to do when I cannot decide to decide on anything…er…yeah…

Unplug (Your Brain)

When I can’t make a determination on something so simple as food or beverage, I know it’s time to take a break. Not a well thought out read-a-great-book-or-interesting-article break; what I seem to crave in these moments are total mind-numbing activities (NO decision-making required). Netflix please!

*When I engage in an activity like this, though, I do like to give myself a time limit. Otherwise I find that I feel way too guilty about wasting the time afterwards. I find that an hour is usually more than sufficient.

Humor

Some very important people in my life, folks that I have been blessed to know, have taught me that humor really can be the best medicine. If I can manage to understand the joke through the haze in my brain, a good belly laugh can do wonders.

I encourage finding humor wherever you can, there are days when life can seem awfully bleak without it.

Let Someone Take Care of You

Even the most introverted introverts need people. Especially in moments like this, I find that letting someone whom I trust fix me dinner and sit with me through a mindless sitcom helps me feel so much better, and a little more human.

If you happen to be a very self-sufficient soul, your confidants may not readily recognize that you need some support. Don’t be afraid to ask a trusted friend or partner, they will likely jump at the opportunity to help you out.

Meditate

I’m not very good at this yet, but the instances that I have tried this have generally turned out quite well. It takes me quite awhile to calm down my internal dialogue (and I never can get it to completely cease), but just sitting and trying not to think can be so refreshing.

There are several types of meditation; guided, silent, walking, object, etcetera. I recommend finding a comfortable place to sit and experiment. There are numerous meditation guides on the internet that can help you get started.

yard buddha

After I partake in one of these activities and follow it up with a good nights’ rest (i.e. I get to bed on time), I usually feel like myself again at daybreak, ready to be picky about what kind of coffee or yogurt I will have that morning and tackle all the occupational judgements of the day. My decision making abilities return for awhile and I’m able to not only plan, but prepare dinner.

I hope this helps anyone out there who might also be having occasional decision “pauses”. Take care, and stay cozy.

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The Beauty of Early Mornings

/ Mel / 7 Comments

I have never “naturally” been a morning person. I say “naturally” because even so, there have been many periods in my life where I have been in a particular occupational appointment (i.e. job) that has required me to be up and out of the door early in the morning. Many times, I have struggled with those mornings, slugging down various caffeinated beverages and skipping breakfast in order to hasten my arrival.

I hate mornings like that, rushed and disorganized, accompanied by that feeling that I’m forgetting something (probably something important). I’m typically starved and jittery by the time I arrive at my workplace, and feel as though I’m being thrown into my morning without my own consent. It took a long time for me to break this habit.

It didn’t happen until a few years after I had my son that I had my epiphany. I think most parents will probably understand the idea of getting up early (before your child) so that you have time to perform self-care and get prepared for the day. I applied this concept when my son was very young (and still sometimes today) and began to understand the benefits of collecting my thoughts, having my coffee, and getting dressed and ready before my son awoke. It took a little time for me to realize that I could employ this strategy before work as well.

 

morning coffee

That first cup of coffee, the best one of the day!

 

Step 1: Get Up Earlier

It’s probably not great for your body or your mind to try to claim a new hour in the morning all at once. When I have to adjust my schedule, I usually try to do so in 15 minute increments and wait a few days or week before adding another 15 minutes.

Step 2: Plan Your Approach

With technology EVERYWHERE it’s so easy to get distracted. I find it’s especially easy for me to get distracted in the morning before I’ve had my coffee; my phone calls to me with various (time-wasting) apps that could lull me into a techno-coma until, at last, I would lose all the time I had planned to gain and be back to my rushed, jittery, disorganized morning.

Plan what you will do with each new 15 minute increment, this will save you wasted time later.

Step 3: Make Sure You Have Covered the Basics

What I mean by this is plan for the things that are basic self-care items first. These include things like showering, breakfast, brushing your teeth, etc. Guesstimate how much time you need for each task and make sure that time is allotted for in your morning schedule.

Step 4: Include Something Fun

I find that nothing helps motivate me to plan my mornings and get up earlier than having something enjoyable to look forward to (aside from that first cup of coffee). For me lately, it has been getting a chance to write in the morning. I enjoy it so much that I often go to bed pondering what I will write about in the morning. After I write and get ready for my day in the morning, I feel as though I have already accomplished something and got some enjoyment out of my day.

Having something enjoyable to start your day will not only give you motivation to get out of bed in the morning, but it can also lead to better day for yourself overall. The options can include writing, reading, exercising, art, etcetera, but pick something you love.

Step 5: Add 15 More Minutes

It seems to me that sometimes, time just evaporates into thin air. Whether it’s the transition from one morning activity to the next or I just missed watching the clock, occasionally, time still gets away from me. Adding an extra 15 minutes to my morning means that I  get to approach my day in a calm, relaxed manner, and accounts for any inefficiencies in my morning schedule.

 

These tips have definitely helped my mornings become calmer and more organized. This in turn, has helped my days become less stressful and more enjoyable.

Hope this was helpful! Stay cozy.

Bad Day…

/ Mel / Leave a comment

Today was a bad day, a really bad day. Today was the kind of day that defined the term “put through a meat grinder.” By the time I got home my feet were sore and my head was both throbbing and exhausted. I had one of those rare moments when I began to question what I was doing with my professional life and considering a job change (which there is absolutely nothing wrong with, if you have the right reasons).

I work in a small office. We work very closely in an intense environment for sometimes 12 hours a day. Dealing with life and death, really.

Today was a day when things were going wrong personally and/or professionally for almost all of my coworkers. The day was filled with tragedies, both real and imagined. A mood crept over us all, one of desperation and hopelessness. I understand how dramatic this description sounds, but some of these people are going through really terrible things.

After I got home and tried to ready myself for the transition from work life to family life, I realized something. Nothing terrible was happening to me. Not to say that I haven’t had my fair share of despair in life, boy oh boy. But today, nothing was going terribly wrong for me, personally.

Except for maybe the fact that I am what some people refer to as a “highly sensitive person”, or “HSP” for short. I’m not going to go into particulars here, but I will tell you that the reason I think MY day turned out so awful was because I tend to empathize rather than sympathize. Mind you, I do not at all believe that we can EVER really know how someone else experiences anything. But for whatever reason, other peoples’ sadness can be quite contagious for me. Am I the only one like this? Maybe, maybe not.

Below is a short list of things I have found to be helpful when the world just seems wrong.

Stop

Just for a moment if you can, give yourself a break. I find that simply being able to stop doing a task for a short time allows me to feel that I have some control.

Breathe

No really, this has got to be one of the most highly underrated coping strategies ever. Take a big, long, deep breath. Feel your lungs fill with air, straighten your back, and let your shoulders fall.

Learn to Sympathize

Unfortunately, there are dreadful things that happen in the world. It’s easy (especially for some of us) to feel like the world is hopeless, especially when interacting with individuals who are facing life’s biggest and baddest obstacles. Learn to give the appropriate condolence and help each other where you can, but try not to “absorb” other people’s sorrow. If you need justification, know that people who are experiencing terrible things often need strong people around them. You can’t be strong when you’re feeling their misery for them.

Take Care of Yourself

It sounds trite, but it’s true. It’s a great deal more possible for anyone (HSP or not) to lose control of their emotions and mood when their basic needs aren’t being met. Water, food, rest, and a safe environment for yourself should be high on your priority list.

Hope this is helpful. Stay cozy.