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The New American Dream, Part 3: Money

/ Mel / Leave a comment

dollar

“It’s not how much money you make, it’s how you spend it.”

My father has said this so many times that I associate the phrase entirely with him…even if it’s been said by countless other folks.

Perhaps because I heard it so many times, or just because I was young, I never really contemplated what it meant. Fast forward a couple of decades and the implication hits home as I compare my incoming and outgoing expense reports. I suppose it is somewhat natural for most of us to either live at, or slightly above, our means (a budget will generally swell to fill the revenue it’s granted). Yet, it can be so disheartening to see most, if not all, of your hard-earned cash disappear at the end of the month without a trace.

I suspect that’s why people across the United States, young and old, are attempting to live leaner, more functional and fiscally conscientious lives, as discussed in the initial post in this series. In the new American dream, currency is becoming a means to more time, rather than more possessions.

The Money We Make

The manner in which Americans, and millennials particularly, are earning currency seems to be changing. While many continue to procure employment by large companies, more and more folks are cobbling together incomes from various smaller jobs (often referred to as “gigs”), either because there is a lack of employment in their geographical or professional field, or because it fits their schedule or lifestyle better. As company dynamics and economics evolve, sometimes corporate needs call for a more flexible worker who can come and go as needed, or work remotely online.

One interesting aspect in this changing game of cash flow juggling is the phenomenon of “scaling income.” This means that income is generated from a product (usually electronic) or marketing campaign that can be “scaled,” i.e. increased in size or reach so as to escalate revenues (as opposed to the time-for-money exchange that most of us are used to).

Increasing numbers of savvy people appear to be trying their hand at strategies such as affiliate marketing or designing products, while many others are earning profits from training programs, courses, and e-books designed to train people to become successful marketers. Although it’s generally accepted that only a small percentage of affiliate marketing startups actually see success, thousands of people attempt it every year. (I, myself, know very little about affiliate marketing, but  I like to follow Malan Darras’s You Tube channel just for his unique perspective on the subject.)

Of course, maintaining one’s income with “gig’s” or online arrangements typically means that an individual is essentially a small business owner. Therefore, more people are having to become intimately involved with issues such as taxation, insurance, and retirement savings (items typically handled by an employer in days of yore). It will be interesting to observe how this influx of small businesses changes the markets, as well as government policy.

The Money We Spend

Our shopping habits are evolving in this new economy as well. This adjustment is definitely influenced most by millennial spending mannerisms, but it is a pattern that can be seen in all generations. As described in this Forbes article, discretionary spending is slowing down just a bit in the United States, most notably by millennials (though, this may change as millennials buy houses and start families, also mentioned in the article). Folks all over the country seem to be experiencing a need or want to downsize homes and possessions, either for aesthetic or economic reasons, and no doubt influenced by the latest minimalism and decluttering trends. This also means that people are making a concerted attempt to bring no more (or very little) clutter into the home.

Other characteristics of millennial spending are guiding the market, as well as influencing other generations. These inclinations include using social media as a shopping guide and using mobile devices as the primary way to locate, research, and purchase products, as outlined in this Entrepreneur article. Retailers are having to adapt to this new, “hands off” approach to marketing and distributing products by sustaining brand social media accounts and creating beautiful and functional websites. Millennials, particularly, are also very concerned about cost, as the Entrepreneur article eludes to as well. With increased competition in regards to price, both online and physical retailers are having to cut overhead and operate on leaner budgets in order to compete, while also maintaining online operations.

calculator

In summary, the new way to make money is on one’s own schedule, and, with any luck, by one’s own rules.  Work can be done anywhere and performed at almost anytime. Our spending is becoming less dictated by what we desire, and more so by what we require. 

*To read more about my take one the new American dream, you may see part 2 here, and the initial article here.

Thanks for stopping by, and stay cozy!

The New American Dream, Part 2: Status Symbol

/ Mel / 7 Comments

pocket watch, sands of time

Many of us are products of the 80’s and 90’s and can recall some of the items that were popular back then. Certain shoes, cars, and electronic gadgets were considered a sign of wealth and social status (or good credit) at that time. Owning things brought prestige and envy, especially amongst peers and colleagues. The phrase “he who dies with the most toys, wins” was coined.

Fast forward twenty-five years, through 3 recessions, a housing bubble, the healthcare crisis, and crippling student debt. In each case, we have learned something about handling money (or how not to handle it). We have also been awakened to the fact that the economy in most countries, but perhaps particularly the United States, is a living, breathing thing. It is a beast that can both make and ruin people, financially and otherwise, as it waxes and wanes.

For most of us though, through all of the perambulations of the market, there has been the constant of employment. A vocation to pull us out of our student loan obligations and afford accommodations whether they be our own, or rented from someone else. Work, a perceived cornerstone of our nation, and something that we are all taught to pursue passionately. After all, where would all our “things” come from without some form of paid occupation?

flea market stuff

Not to mention that those “things” come with costs aside from their purchase price. It can be alarming to consider that everything you own, you are still paying for (hence, the idea of being “owned” by the objects one has acquired). Ultimately, any “thing” that you possess requires some type of residence, whether that be your abode, a storage unit, or your parents’ house (although those costs may be more intrinsic), and this will usually be something that you have to pay for. These items have physical costs too, such as some form of maintenance, or, at the very least, the time and effort it would require to rid yourself of them.

So, we toil for someone else in order to acquire possessions, we continue to work in order to pay for the said items’ housing and maintenance, and oftentimes must physically use or care for an item to keep it operational. While we usually look at this equation in terms of monetary cost, it could be argued that the largest and most valuable expenditure here is not of dollars, but of time.

wristwatch

Although it’s true that we all get at least some time, it is lamentable that we don’t always get to spend it the way in which we desire. Those fortunate enough to have surplus wealth, however, get the side benefit of utilizing their hours as they choose, rather than for another’s cause.

Accordingly, having “free” time has become a sign of wealth and means. This could be true either because the owner actually has a healthy income, or simply because they are adept at budgeting, and choose time over objects. In any case, the freedom that an individual has due to their possession of spare moments is becoming associated with greater social status, rather than ineptness, as had been the stigma in decades past.

clock tower

Now that seemingly everyone is operating on someone else’s schedule, those that are allowed to function according to their own agenda are seen as the new elite, having escaped the so-called “rat race.” The value of currency is becoming more associated with its ability to grant chronological freedom than the accumulation of commodities. Time, and the freedom to dictate it, are becoming the new signs of prestige, in a nation that has brandished its 40 hour work week as an ideal for so long.

*This article is the second of the New American Dream series.

Stay cozy!

The Perfect Day

/ Mel / 3 Comments

It would begin with a long, luxurious bath, followed by a full hour of applying lotions and potions, and a mini manicure. I would look something like Ashley Judd after all this and my outfit would be a quintessential blend of expensive and luxurious, a study of sophistication in dress. I would then be whisked away by my husband to a posh restaurant downtown for a fancy brunch with friends. Parking and traffic would not be problems, and the morning would be a blur of cerebral conversation intermixed with lots of laughing. Later that day, I would fix an early dinner of superb culinary quality, and my family would extol the virtues of such a meal. There would be no tantrums, no exhaustion, no worries about the next day, or regrets about the previous, and we would all get to bed on time.

sunset

Then I wake up.

My work days are chaotic just by the nature of my business, this I have come to accept, but I can get really frustrated by not being able to “control” my days off. There is no such thing as the perfect day, it does not (cannot?) exist. At least it cannot be allowed to subsist as long as I rigidly hang on to my expectations. I find sometimes that clinging to a preconceived notion of how my day “should” progress can cause me more angst than not.

These are the concepts that can help keep me on an even keel and discover the joy in my day, especially when my spoiled, OCD brain is fixated on particular outcomes.

Plan for Alternative Outcomes

Try to plan ahead for a few of the most plausible alternative outcomes. Bring snacks for your small child in case of traffic. Organize an easy dinner option for if and when you get home late. Come up with a different brunch option just in case there’s a closure or a line.

You can’t plan for everything, but there are probably a couple of likely hiccups possible in any arrangement; try to stay prepared for the most conceivable deviations.

Find the Good

Try to suspend expectation if you can. This allows you to experience the moments more fully and appreciate the good that does happen. It’s always prudent to make a plan, but not allowing for variation from a predetermined goal can rob you of the meaningful, brilliant bits that happen whether you are focused on them or not.

If you can’t concentrate on the positive in the moment, it may be helpful to create a gratitude journal and attempt to recapture the pleasurable activities of the day after the fact.

Accept Reality

Bad things do happen, by any one’s standards; sometimes there is no silver lining and no way to justify an outcome. Some of us have a tendency to “go back” and try to sniff out the ways that we “could have” altered an event or instance. This, I have found, is a dangerous game. For one, allowing yourself to feel guilt over something you were not accountable for is soul killing. This practice also implies that you have more power, and therefore more responsibility, than you actually do.

When bad things happen, grieve the moment (depending on the severity), and try to move on. Most loathsome incidences of the day-to-day variety don’t need to be dwelled upon, as doing so doesn’t change the past, and only hijacks your future contentment.

breakfast toast

What, no croissant? Still delish!

Maybe the day didn’t go exactly as planned, perhaps milk was spilled, or the delivery was delayed, etcetera. Try not to let the small issues of the day decrease your joy. Attempt to concentrate on what is going right, and let the problems go. Guilt and cynicism, while common in our current culture, don’t accomplish anything, and they can sap your energy and undermine your goals.

How do you stay happy and mentally flexible? Wishing you all an as-close-to-perfect-as-possible day!

Stay cozy!

One Lovely Blog Award

/ Mel / 4 Comments

My first blog award! Very special thanks to Wreaditor for the nomination!

one loevely blog award

One Lovely Blog Award

Rules:
Thank the person who nominated you and leave a link to their blog.
Post about the award.
Share 7 facts about yourself.
Nominate 15 people.
Let your nominees know you’ve nominated them.

7 Facts About Me:

  1. I have yet to meet someone with a sweet tooth stronger, or more brash, than mine.
  2. Although I started this blog so as to become a new vocation for myself (quite hopefully, years and years from now, of course), I have actually found the business of writing and communicating with other writers to be quite therapeutic, in and of itself.
  3. In real life, I am a dogged pragmatist. With a hedonist bent, occasionally…
  4. I love makeup (I see it as an art form), though I don’t always wear it.
  5. I have beheld the Dalai Lama in person. His presence is as warm and comforting as it is purported to be.
  6. Although I realize it’s trendy right now, I am absolutely fascinated by hygge. I feel as though I have been practicing a few of its precepts for most of my life, yet there is so much more to be learned and adapted to my existence!
  7. I am blessed with such a wonderful little family. They are my reason for being. Period.

There are multiple blogs that I look up to and wish to emulate with my own, as well as those which I find absolutely captivating in their own right! Here are my nominees:

Honestly, it was so hard to narrow it to 15. There are so many blogs that I love and follow. Nominees, please do not feel obligated, this is just an homage to your efforts.

Thanks again, Wreaditor!

Stay cozy!

The New American Dream

/ Mel / 8 Comments

small houses curaco

While I wasn’t around for the depression, and I don’t recall with any clarity the recession of 1990, or the collapse of the “tech bubble” in 2000,  I do distinctly remember the subprime lending disaster of 2008. I remember watching the IRA that I had established a decade earlier get pummeled in the markets. I remember wondering if it would ever recover, and if the economy itself would ever recover (not to mention the international exchanges that suffered).

It seems eons ago now, what with the DJIA (Dow Jones Industrial Average) cresting twenty-one thousand and the demand for housing appearing to ceaselessly increase. It’s hard to recollect just how worried I was back then, maybe because I believed that this was such an unusual instance of lack foresight by a government, or simply such a rare and isolated occurrence that no organization could have predicted it. I have learned a lot about economics since then.

Several articles in the last few years have pointed out how these economic disasters have shaped the manner in which the younger generations (specifically “millennials”) perceive and interact with the world. Though, I would argue that it’s not just millennials who are experiencing a paradigm shift. Almost all age ranges in the U.S. have shown an interest in downsizing both budgets and possessions, for economic, as well as aesthetic reasons.

So what is the new American dream?

Basically, it’s smaller. After the consumerist, disposable culture of the 80’s and 90’s, the current millennia has ushered in a new way of thinking. We are beginning to realize how possessions don’t largely contribute to our happiness, and that living within our means is not only absolutely necessary to our financial future, it’s also kind of sexy.

Housing

After the housing bubble imploded in 2008, many folks lost either their home, large amounts of money from their retirement accounts, or both. While the housing market appears to have rebounded (quite handily, I might add), the persistent lack of housing in the U.S. has caused prices to rise steadily in most markets, nudging out buyers with less buying experience or income.

Enter, the tiny house! I must admit, I have been fascinated by these miniature dwellings for years now, ever since my first episode of “Tiny House Nation.”  Even the most “expensive” tiny houses cost no more than a fourth of the average home price in my area. I am enamored, and I’m not the only one; tiny home communities have sprung up all over the country in the last few years. They’re not just geared to millennials either, as this AARP article suggests.

Jobs

If you’ve been lurking on blogger sites recently (not that I do, *ahem*), you’ve probably ran across the term “digital nomad” at least once. A new breed of occupation is among us, it would seem. While conventional work-at-home jobs have been around for a while, waxing and waning with corporate demand, “digital nomads” are often individuals who work for themselves, either through their own, personal business, or via freelance endeavors (or “gigs,” as they’re often referred to) .

While these entrepreneurial enterprises offer a lot of freedom, there are some plausible downsides, such as isolation and economics, as outlined in this Huffpost article. Still, the siren call of escaping the “rat race” and architecting one’s own agenda is powerful. (I wonder at how many millennials and Gen Xer’s, like myself, who write blog posts outside of traditional business hours, are secretly hoping to make this our primary “gig?”)

minimal office

Minimalism

It does seem a bit trendy right now, but, to be fair, there have been brilliant people throughout the last several decades who have been praising the benefits of a lighter life. I’m not sure how many folks actually achieve their personal version of minimalism, but with all the buzz, it appears that many are trying, and for good reason. When I observe the ratio of items that I actually touch and use within a day, versus the total number of items that I own, I am often sick to my stomach. Then, I consider the time and money that it requires for me to keep and maintain all of those items that I never touch in a day, and perhaps not even in a year (ergh, more queasiness).

Many insightful souls have written extensively about minimalism in recent years (Marie Kondo, Joshua Becker, and Leo Babauta, to name a few). They have inspired myself and many others, of all age ranges and socioeconomic backgrounds, to ditch the extra weight and focus on what is really important.  My favorite resource for all things minimalism, as of late, has been The Minimalists. Joshua Fields Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus talk intimately about not only the physical operation of shedding superfluous articles, but also the internal processes that occur alongside it…to the tune of 20 million people, according to their website.

small house in the snow

In conclusion…

The new American dream is lighter and leaner than its predecessor, grounded in fiscal autonomy and economic sustainability. A pragmatic approach to living, and a focus on the simple necessities to facilitate life, pervade. Excess is loathed not because it seems haughty, but simply because it lacks functionality. Time is prized over possessions, and liberty above all.

How do you see the new American dream? Are you a digital nomad or a tiny house dweller?

Thanks for reading. Take care, and stay cozy.

Late Summer Harvest

/ Mel / 2 Comments

Recently, my family and I went on a quick trip a little south to see family and friends. We had such a wonderful time just visiting, playing in a local park, and enjoying some home cooking from my grandmother. It was an idyllic weekend in many ways and for many reasons, not the least of which was my own ability to “suspend,” if you will, my troubles for a bit (not a small feat for someone so organically neurotic). I allowed myself a little break from the anxieties of work and the world, and just enjoyed my cherished loved ones.

While we were there, we visited a farm and bought some fresh peaches, and picked various vegetables from my grandparents’ garden. I was reminded of the beauty of a late summer harvest and the bounty that benevolently cared for ground can produce. Every time I go back there, and stand amongst the vines and the leaves, I feel a little closer to the earth, terra firma, home. I feel, for a moment, like I am finally focused on what truly matters, the essentials: food, shelter, and above all, family and friends.

late summer fruit and vegetable harvest

Late summer fruit and vegetable harvest

It is always a bit of a shock to me when I realize how much of brain is normally consumed with concerns that are so artificial and have very little to do with real life. I then realize that I am quietly angry at the ten thousand things that vie for my time, attention, and money, on the most mediocre of my days. Ten thousand things that seem to stretch far and wide and yet have no real bearing nor genuine interest in my life.

I allow it to happen to me though; it’s not the fault of those nameless, faceless, and yet omniscient entities, it’s mine. I let myself become distracted and distressed by events and persons who happen to be half a world away, beyond my physical and perhaps intellectual grasp. I am NOT one who enjoys feeling powerless about situations, even if they be a million leagues afar and property (or fault) of someone else.

However, I also cannot solve all the problems or atone for all the situations that may ravage the globe. I simply am not capable of, nor would I be proficient at, as a single human being, carrying all the sorrows of the world. Mine is to do my little part, help where I can, and carry on.

It is a hard pill to swallow at times, realizing just how small and insignificant I might be.

And yet, there in my grandparents’ garden, it is a comfort to be touching the grass with my toes and devouring the sweetest of plums under one of the many apple trees, observing my young, beautiful son play in the yard. To feel the abatement of worry, and the arousal of our most basic senses seems like a tiny vacation to me. I have left my smart phone inside, ringer off, and I don’t miss it for once. I wish to recede from the world and become “smallish”, if only for a moment or so.

If restricting my world to the very simplest of pleasures for a weekend makes me happier, what does that say about the manner in which I generally run my life? What does it say about whom and what I let into it? How did I let it go this far? And how do I re-center myself and my life in what seems more real?

I’m not sure about the precise logistics yet, but I’m working on it…

late summer fruits and vegetables 2

Late summer harvest

Other than the peaches (which were from a stand), the other produce was plucked from either my grandparents’ garden, or the garden of a nearby friend, and gifted to us before our return home. They were all succulent and delicious! I hope y’all get to enjoy some of the season’s best!

Ever so much thanks to our friends and family for a lovely weekend, and a minor resurrection of my humanness.

Stay hominid, stay cozy.

The Power of Sleeping on it…

/ Mel / Leave a comment

Although it has taken me half a lifetime to learn, I am still amazed at the power that a night of sleep can have on the decision-making process. I’m not certain of the science behind it, but I am confident that delaying a decision with a night of rest has saved me from bad purchases, unacceptable job offers, and general malarkey.

I didn’t employ this method of contemplation (or procrastination, as some have mistaken it for) until I was well beyond the years of frequenting malls and going out to eat or drink with friends and acquaintances incessantly. I sometimes regret all the money I wasted on things that I didn’t really want or need to enjoy the moment. That’s something else I’m just currently learning as well, the value of my time, but I’ll save that for a later occasion…

Enjoying a night of repose has helped me fight urges to make frivolous purchases. It has helped me so much that it is a technique I generally employ for any purchase over twenty dollars. It’s not necessarily a strict rule, but I find that when I make use of it, I am able to resist temptation more easily. I believe that this is true for two reasons. First, I have had time to let the initial “charm” that an item might have, wear off, and secondly, I have had the opportunity to define where (and even if) that item will actually fit into my life. As I strive towards a more organized space, I have to be more conscious of the items I bring into it.

money

This is not to say that “sleeping on it” prevents me from making any and all purchases. In fact, I still invest in items regularly, but I’m usually much happier with my decision after I’ve delayed it for an evening. If I still want something after stalling, I can safely assume that I am desiring the article for its own merit rather than its perceived attributes.

For big-ticket items, of course, several days (and several slumbering nights) may be necessary to be able to give a final stance. Though, I try not to discount the small items that I spend money for either. It all adds up, and if I’m not careful (as was true in my youth) all those small acquisitions can turn into a very sizable bill (see my youth, above).

Something that also regularly happens for me these days is that my mind will (or has the opportunity to) come up with different solutions to an issue overnight; for example, I am perhaps smitten with some particular organizing bins in the store, but after waiting for a night I recall that I already own such items, they’re just packed away and I need to retrieve them. On other occasions, I will realize that I can borrow an item, or perhaps search for it second-hand.

Although I do very much regret spending money that I don’t need to (frivolously), I would like to make clear that I have no reservations about spending money on a well thought out purchase. To me, the point is to make sure the item fits my personal criteria (budget, usefulness, aesthetics), and then procure the item without guilt or self-reproach.

Being responsible with one’s money is a form of self-care, in my opinion. Take care of your money, and it will take care of you; a good night of tranquil repose might be helpful to both…

Rest easy, and stay cozy!

The Evening Wind Down

/ Mel / 2 Comments

The transition between the waking hours and the sleeping hours can prove to be a tricky subject for many folks. These hours can provide relaxation and connection time for some, but for others they can be the final moments to get in more work after an already strenuous day. For yet others, the need for “transition” between stirring and slumber seems like a frivolous or unnecessary behavior. I believe, though, that even in this turn on/turn off, stop/start world, allowing time for transitions can be important for your mental health as well as your sleep quality.

In my younger years, the evening wind down usually consisted of reading a good book, or watching Netflix and maybe having a glass (or two?) of wine with my husband before bed. We would always dim the lights about an hour before bed and perhaps light candles in the colder months. It was a process that took hours and I think we both slept better (wine not withstanding) after an evening of quiet chat and relaxing activities.

Today, my schedule is a bit more erratic and neither of us have the time for the slow evenings that we used to. The latter half of our day usually consists of tidying, preparing something for dinner, tidying some more, finishing up some work bits, and helping our son prepare for bed (“did you brush them all?”), all the time in a dash against the clock. I notice, though, that when I do get the chance to read before bed (even if it’s Peter Rabbit rather than something by Marian Keyes), or remember to turn down the lights after dinner, I do tend to sleep a bit better.

In the medical world, the idea of creating better sleep and pre-sleep habits is referred to as “sleep hygiene”. WebMD and many other reputable sites have loads of recommendations for improving sleep quality. Here, I will convey what has worked best for myself, some conventional, some not.

Tea/Warm Fluid: It doesn’t seem to matter whether it’s chamomile tea, warm lemon water, or even warm milk (my son’s favorite), slowly and deliberately sipping something warm before bed has always helped me relax.

Read/Avoid Screens: A lot of sites recommend reading before bed. It gets you away from screens and the “blue light” that is notorious for interfering with sleep patterns. I would assert though, that reading something calm or peaceful before bed will treat you much better than horror or mystery. For instance, I love Michael Crichton books ( I think that I have literally read them all), but I don’t like to read these types of books right before bed.

One could also try a magazine that you enjoy if you’re not into books. Whatever you do, just try to put down the phone (I understand, believe me).

Lights: I have actually noticed that this affects my young son more than myself these days. If I let the lights stay at full force right up until bedtime it seems that all of us, but especially the youngest, have a hard time settling down before bed. Unfortunately, with our (generally) jumbled evenings, I don’t always remember to turn them down or off a little while before bed and this usually leads to some extra time elapsing between bedtime and actual sleep time.

Time Together/Time Apart: People are social animals and therefore have a biological need to feel connected to other humans. Having family time before bed can help both adults and children gain much need connection after a stressful day and improve sleep for both parties.

Conversely though, if you work in the service industry, or you parent full-time, what you might find useful is some time alone. Ask your partner for 10 minutes to yourself, and use those 10 minutes wisely. Read, think, or just breathe; whatever you need.

Write/Schedule: If I can navigate the various tasks that have become my evenings and still manage a few minutes of writing, I feel so much more accomplished. Writing can also help by allowing me to empty my brain of the concerns of the day. Some people enjoy using a gratitude journal at the end of the day to count their blessings.

What I also find truly relaxing is scheduling my next day’s tasks before bed. I hate waking up in the night only to realize that I have something important to accomplish the next day that I forgot to plan for. Scheduling at the end of the day lets me relax, knowing it’s all there in my planner, and I don’t have to face the next day blindsided by my responsibilities.

planner 2

For me, creating a better evening strategy is primarily centered around decreasing sensory input, doing something relaxing, and maintaining a solid connection to myself and my family.

What do you do to wind down?

Stay sleepy…I mean cozy!

It’s Never Too Soon…

/ Mel / Leave a comment

It’s never too soon to start curating your life. That is something I wish I would have known eons ago. It’s taken almost (but not quite) four decades to figure out how much the path I took as a young person could affect me now.

flowers on table

We all have to make tough decisions as we grow and blossom out of adolescence. I always attempted to be careful and measured as I tiptoed toward adulthood. I kept my eyes on my work and my family; these are the core of my being and I have no regrets about this.

Yet, I also spent a lot of time accumulating things and experiences and education, being open to so many opportunities that at times I felt overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by ideas and various visons of what my life could be, but never being able to spend much time on contemplation. I understand that a lot of people laud the idea of being so willing to participate in, well, everything. I want to support this concept also, nevertheless…in hindsight, I see the value of curation.

Curating your life makes reference to thinking in future terms about not just the big things (work, kids, parents, etc.), but also the small things, i.e. the kind of things that make up a day. It takes great foresight in your teens and twenties to imagine what you will wish your daily routine to look like as you approach middle age. Will you be part of the “rat race”? Will you escape it? How will you spend your free time? Will you have any of it?

These are things that conceivably no one can truly grasp in their early years and perhaps there will always exist so many elements of chance that we may never get a true sense for what our coming years will be like until we get there. Though, it would be nice to think we have some control over it all, right?

So, I would suggest perhaps, to the younger generations…consider yourself as an older individual if you can, just for a little while. Consider what you want out of a single day in that life. Attempt to spend some thought and effort on the path to such a life.

Then, I implore you, go back to enjoying every sweet and agonizing moment of your youth, just do so with a plan.

Be well, and stay cozy.

 

 

Notes on Anxiety and Decision Making “Pauses”

/ Mel / Leave a comment

I’ve mentioned before that my job can be a challenge. I have to be extremely accurate in my decision-making, hundreds of times a day. I cannot afford to be wrong.

I also DO NOT have any sort of God-complex whatsoever- the exact opposite, in fact. I have struggled with anxiety all of my life. People tell me that they never would have known, I guess I hide it well. If they could see all the worst-case scenarios and second guessing that go on in my head on a daily basis, they might wonder how I function at all.

Yet, I do. I suppose this level of awareness makes me very good at what I do, but it is also extraordinarily draining. There are many, many days when I ask my significant other to choose dinner because I just simply can’t make anymore decisions. He gives me a look, but because he is a saint, he agrees to decide on the eggplant parmesan for me and our evening rolls on.

I think people who have traditionally high-stress professions may be particularly prone to this type of temporary decision making inability. Although, I also believe that any job can be high stress given its unique set of judgement making, multitasking, and time management requirements (sounds like parenting, doesn’t it? Props to all ‘rents). I concede that I am also a sensitive soul and therefore have to conclude that at least part of the situation may be due to the temperament of the individual.

I know there must be other folks with high-stress occupations (or parents) that have  experienced decision “pauses” and must understand…Or maybe I’m just unique. Doubtful.

Here are some things that I decide to do when I cannot decide to decide on anything…er…yeah…

Unplug (Your Brain)

When I can’t make a determination on something so simple as food or beverage, I know it’s time to take a break. Not a well thought out read-a-great-book-or-interesting-article break; what I seem to crave in these moments are total mind-numbing activities (NO decision-making required). Netflix please!

*When I engage in an activity like this, though, I do like to give myself a time limit. Otherwise I find that I feel way too guilty about wasting the time afterwards. I find that an hour is usually more than sufficient.

Humor

Some very important people in my life, folks that I have been blessed to know, have taught me that humor really can be the best medicine. If I can manage to understand the joke through the haze in my brain, a good belly laugh can do wonders.

I encourage finding humor wherever you can, there are days when life can seem awfully bleak without it.

Let Someone Take Care of You

Even the most introverted introverts need people. Especially in moments like this, I find that letting someone whom I trust fix me dinner and sit with me through a mindless sitcom helps me feel so much better, and a little more human.

If you happen to be a very self-sufficient soul, your confidants may not readily recognize that you need some support. Don’t be afraid to ask a trusted friend or partner, they will likely jump at the opportunity to help you out.

Meditate

I’m not very good at this yet, but the instances that I have tried this have generally turned out quite well. It takes me quite awhile to calm down my internal dialogue (and I never can get it to completely cease), but just sitting and trying not to think can be so refreshing.

There are several types of meditation; guided, silent, walking, object, etcetera. I recommend finding a comfortable place to sit and experiment. There are numerous meditation guides on the internet that can help you get started.

yard buddha

After I partake in one of these activities and follow it up with a good nights’ rest (i.e. I get to bed on time), I usually feel like myself again at daybreak, ready to be picky about what kind of coffee or yogurt I will have that morning and tackle all the occupational judgements of the day. My decision making abilities return for awhile and I’m able to not only plan, but prepare dinner.

I hope this helps anyone out there who might also be having occasional decision “pauses”. Take care, and stay cozy.

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